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where is it, dammit?-
Emotions torn apart; Security shredded like paper. No one to love; No one to love me. Does love really exist, Other than in the mind Of a masochist? For love equals pain. A neverending cycle Of misunderstood feelings. That's what love is. Love has a sick sense of humor. When you think you've found it, It runs and hides; Behind another person. It always slips from your grasp When you need it most. Fuck love. 
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love addict-
The endless rain Splashes and pounds On my already bruised heart; Washes away the fragments Left behind. My soul echoes the sound Of a hollow space; A space that once was filled, Before I became what I am. I try to love; To fill my empty heart; But I constantly hurt the ones I truly care for, And hurt myself. Like an addiction I feed, Without thinking until afterwards What I have done. Why can't I stop?
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knowledge-
I think about myself, And I am scared Of what I have become; Or what I always was. Finally starting to understand Myself, And it's not a pretty thought. I've resented others Just like me, Not knowing I was them. But now I know, And I wish that I could be A little more naive; Mature a little later. I have seen the light, Now I long for the darkness Again.
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take a number-
The door... Is it locked? Everyone kept getting in. I gave out too many keys. So did I change the lock? I think so. Then who can have the key? Do I even have it? Or did I lose it? It won't be so easy... This time; To get in. Where are the bolt cutters? Or can the lock Never be broken? I wish I knew... Who has the key To my heart?
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opposites attract-
Her touch... It drives me wild. Her eyes? They melt me away. My fingers in her hair Send pangs of delight down my spine, Which spread to my entire body. Her lips give sinful indulgence. Is it wrong? Who's to say... Can such joy be evil? In her I see the virtues That I cannot live up to. She is the goodness That balances my evil. I am less then she deserves; But I am all she wants. Why don't I understand?
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beauty-
Beauty- It is a term Use to judge... Judge what? What does it determine? Maybe it dictates One's worthiness... To be loved? To have friends? To be touched? If not, then what? This thing we call beauty; It truly means nothing. But still, we all strive To be beautiful; Though some more than others. If beauty means nothing, Then why does it rule all?
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an old self now gone
Why has this happened? Why has the sweet, caring Boy that I once was Become what it is now? The things I say can hurt- And for what reason are they said? I don't know. My mouth is faster than my brain. No logic can be found Behind my statements of stupidity. If I might think For even a moment before I speak, Perhaps I might not hurt The one I love so much. Is my true self hidden, Or is it showing through An old facade? An old self dissolving...?
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individuality
This hypocritical, fucked up world Wants me to conform; To follow their ways; To be their fucking slave. I am no one's slave. My brain is mine and mine alone, Not to be fucked with by anyone but me. This god damned religion Follows me, And begs me to believe the lies. They want me to be "good", But what the hell is "good"? If only this piece of shit world Would forget the stupid rules. I could freely express my feelings. Fuck the world, Fuck the church, Fuck this damn authority. They abuse their power, And would like to think They can tell me what to do; But I will not be controlled. I will be myself. I walk alone, So fuck off.
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©2000 Joshua Stansfield |